February 14, 2004

Dear Piper,

I have a new friend that I met at my gym. She was a little stiff, so I persuaded her to go out and have some fun with me. We did and met boys, danced and drank a few cocktails. Now things are good with her, she's happier and has landed a boyfriend... but I realized she talks too much. Our conversations are boring to me and usually put me into a zombie-like state where I just keep repeating "uh huh" all the time. Besides that she wants to talk to me during spin class. I like her, but I only want to talk to her when we are out and about (preferably with cocktail in hand). Am I a bad friend for not telling her? thanks

--uh huh zombie

Dear uh huh zombie,

Oh, the verbose vixen friend. I feel your pain. Well, if she truly has acquired a boyfriend I'm going to guess that nature will take its course and she'll disappear into a mysterious place I like to call the "Sexual Black Hole." This is where friends who 'meet the nicest guy at the gym' or 'got a phone call from an old flame' often end up. It's a place similar to the black holes out there in space: if someone screams there you can't hear them, which, if you think about it, is a wonderful thing. Now, when your friend resurfaces with a starry-eyed stare and funny, crusty stuff in her hair and she's ready to spend time with you at the gym I think you have only one solution: an iPod.

--Piper