June 5, 2009

Dear Piper, 

I don't want to belabor office bathroom policy, but why do some people think it's ok to talk on their cell phones while they're in the toilet? Isn't this considered rude and gross, not only to those in other stalls, but to the person on the other end of the line? Not only don't I want to hear why you think your boyfriend is cheating on you, but I also don't want someone on the phone hear me pee.

I know it's considered a breach of etiquette to talk or even text at a dinner table, but I think it should also be wrong to use a cell phone while peeing (or god forbid #2-ing). Thanks.

--Stalled

Dear Stalled, 

Not to brown-nose, but I'm so appreciative for your question. I've been wanting to bring up this scattological habit for a while now. I agree, it's so totally rude for someone in the next stall to be dumping all that personal information into your private potty time. I mean, nothing makes me more piping mad than a phone in the toilet. There are just some places phones shouldn't be, and the crapper is one of them. But some people just don't give a squat. Unfortunately, we live in a world where one man's throne is another man's conference room. My advice is to either find a job close to your house so you can run home when duty calls or try to synchronize an empty bathroom for whenever doodie calls. 

--Piper