July 16, 2004

Dear Piper,

i have a question, at 35 why do i continue attracting non-committal ass holes? men who are nice, affectionate in the beginning but then turn into the green eye monster. is it a vibe i give off? how do i break the pattern?

--Ripe for the Picking

Dear Ripe,

Indulge me for a moment; I'm going to suppose some things here. I bet you look like you're 28. I bet you're very self-sufficient and independent. I bet you have a great job. And I bet you're excellent in bed. If any or all of this is true, I'm quite sure these are the only 'vibes' you're guilty of giving off. What man wouldn't want a piece of your action?

First, stop beating yourself up for being so foxy. Second, let's talk about breaking that pattern. It sounds like you're ready for an adult relationship. The trick now is to find a man who's ready for the same. When you meet the next potential Mr. Foxy I want you to do a little investigating. Find out if he's committed to anything: a vocation, an avocation, a sick parent, a pet, even a plant. If he can dedicate himself to something or someone, he may be able to dedicate himself to you. I also want to you pay particular attention to his off-the-cuff comments. The things he says while on the phone with his friends, joking around with you, etc. What does he say about women, dating, responsibilities? Even if it's in jest, this is where what he believes to be true will come out and you need to pay attention to it. What he says in bed isn't him talking, it's his you-know-what. Lastly, I think you may owe it to yourself, should you go on a few dates with potential Mr. Foxy and you find yourself feeling a certain way about him, to ask him straight out, "are you ready for an adult relationship?" He'll either shiver in his boots and run away to that super safe haven of Bachelorhood or, if he's smart and you're lucky, he'll say yes and then the two of you can give it your best shot. Good luck, and be careful out there.

--Piper