September 26, 2004

Dear Piper,

I have been with my boyfriend since we were 18. Now we are 23. We have lived together since we graduated high school. We have a 4 yr old son. My boyfriend is about to buy a house but I don't wanna move in unless we get married because I'm tired of him getting the milk for free. But what if I don't move in and he moves on? What should i do?

--R Confused

Dear R Confused,

First of all, I want to commend you and your boyfriend for staying together and raising your child as a team. You two started a family at a very young age and many couples may not have stuck together this long.

Now, let's address your question. You say you don't want your boyfriend to continue getting the milk for free. Is he? If you two are maintaining a household together now, and if he's buying a house with the intent of having you and your son move in, I have to disagree with your terminology...this doesn't sound like a free ride on the dairy train to me. He seems to be pulling his weight and taking care of business.

But, you want to be married. I see no problem with that. I just hope you want to get married for more reasons than the one you listed. I hope you want to get married because you love your boyfriend, because you want to be a family (which, in my mind, the three of you already are). I hope you want to get married because you want to take your relationship to the next level. I think you should share with your boyfriend the reasons behind your wanting to be his wife. He might not be down with the idea right away, but give him time. I also think you should move in no matter what your boyfriend says about marriage; your child needs stability. If the little tyke is used to the two of you being together, the continuation of that lifestyle is in his best interest.

I should add that all this advice is given under the assumption that the relationship between you and your boyfriend is pretty good. You didn't say otherwise. If, however, the two of you aren't in love and if there are dire problems between you, everything I've said here is null and void. If that's the case, write me again and we'll do a 'do-over.'

--Piper