April 29, 2005

Dear Piper,

I have a good friend with bad breath...How do you lovingly tell someone something so devastating without making them feel akward?

--M

Dear M,

Oh, the halitosis conundrum...do you tell the friend and risk them screaming stinky explatives in your direction or do you keep it all to yourself and suffer for months or years to come? I think the best way to go about telling your friend is to do the following:

1. go to your local drugstore and buy one of those paper masks people use when working with questional chemicals

2. place the mask over your nose and mouth and approach your friend

3. say "As your friend, I have something difficult to tell you. However, I know if the tables were turned, I would want you to tell me the information I'm about to share with you. Why, because that's what friendship's all about. Now, you have a problem you may not be aware of...you see, your breath is kind of stinky. I know this may be difficult to hear, but I think you're great and I want you to know about this problem so you can address it. Perhaps it's affecting your life in ways you don't even know, you know?"

4. Then give your friend a mint and a hug and hope for the best!

--Piper