June 2, 2009
Dear Piper,
While making local or long distance calls costs virtually the same now (unless you're calling internationally), local vs. long distance in terms of relationships is still drastically different. Sure, we now have new technology to do the whole video chatting thing, which makes it seem like you're "close," but, come on, we all know that nothing beats having a man right next to you...to hug, to hold, to fight and make up with.
So, why are a lot of my gfs and I now in long-distance relationships (mine is 3000 miles away on the other coast)? Seems as if we can't find decent local men anymore, or we don't want to? My one thought is that we say we want to be settled down (we're either approaching or already in our 30s, if it helps), but we really don't...Or we simply just found an awesome guy elsewhere and it doesn't go much deeper than that. Your thoughts, o wise one? :o)
--little j
Dear little j,
For the sake of making a point, let’s say you are in New York and your significant other is in San Francisco. Something tells me there’s a little j doppelganger in SF who’s involved with a guy in New York while she laments the ‘no decent guy’ situation in her hometown. This ‘my town sucks for dating’ ideology is probably going on all over the world.
As an adult I’ve lived in six different cities. In each city, there came a time when I cursed my locale for its adverse affect on my dating life. But, when you go from the Midwest to the West to the South and then to the Northeast and you still have the same issues, an honest girl’s gotta come clean with herself. I was left with these possible conclusions: it was me, or it was in my head. I decided to go with the latter as it suited my ego better.
I think this phenomenon you write about has no simple explanation, nor course of action. On one hand, I could make a case for the LDR (long-distance relationship) as an adult manifestation of the ‘imaginary friend’ we all had as kids. Remember him or her? Remember the comfort they brought? Just knowing there was someone out there, someone only for you, made the difficulties of growing up a lot easier to bear. When the class bully roughed me up I knew my imaginary friend would be there to console me later. This was convenient. And when there was only one piece of pie left I could make the bitch go away so I didn’t have to share it with her. Also convenient.
There’s a certain convenience to these LDRs, isn’t there? Your boyfriend moves; you don’t have to help him. Your boyfriend is sick; you don’t have to bring him chicken noodle soup. Your boyfriend wants to watch Army Wives and you want to watch Dancing with the Stars…see where I’m going here? It could be that you and your girlfriends are busy and the convenience of a long distance relationship fits perfectly into your crazy schedules.
On the other hand, I could also make a case for the truism that whatever is out of reach is ever more desirable. The grass is always greener on the other side; the guy is always cuter on the other coast. The elusive is seductive, and if the local boys aren’t seducing you and your friends in the ways you’d prefer, a cute guy with a huge obstacle in front of him might do the trick. Right? I mean, there’s nothing a career-minded woman of today likes more than a challenge, and the LDR does come with a certain set of challenges.
Ah, the challenges. You have to move; your boyfriend doesn’t have to help you. You’re sick; your boyfriend can’t bring you chicken noodle soup. Catch 22, those LDRs.
The world is getting smaller and smaller thanks to technology, airplanes and credit cards. I don’t see the LDR fading away any time soon. And I don’t think it should. When they work out, you’re an inspiration to singles everywhere looking to find love ten time zones away. And when they don’t, well, at least you’ve racked up enough frequent flyer points to go to Costa Rica and plant the seeds for something even more enticing, the LDRR (long-distance rebound relationship.)
--Piper