June 8, 2009

Dear Piper,

Do you think it's bad etiquette to play "hide the pickle" when staying at someone's house? Are some situations OK and others not? For instance, if we're sleeping over at her parents house vs. my old college roommate's vs. my grandma's?

--House Guest

Dear House Guest,

I think all's fair in love and war and sleepovers as long as you manage the evidence. Do your thing, do it with the door shut, do it at a lower volume than normal and then clean up after it. And when i say clean up, I mean it. Pretend a team of DNA experts are coming in afterwards armed with test tubes and black lights and tweezers and bloodhounds. Make it very difficult for them to find a trace of any indecorous activity.

I say this assuming 'hide the pickle' is your euphemism for ‘doing the nasty.’ If, however, you literally want to hide a pickle in your generous friend or relative’s house, like behind the drapes or above a ceiling panel, I’ll have to change my advice. Literally hiding a pickle in someone’s home is rude and does not qualify as an appropriate hostess’ gift.

--Piper