December 24, 2004

Dear Piper,

Why are so many women stuck on trying to please men who aren't pleasable?

--d.piper

Dear d.piper,

Before I get to your excellent question I must comment on your name. Are you a Piper, too? That would be fabulous.

Anyway, to your pondering...the never ending quest for some of the XX race to please a man who isn't, as you say, pleasable. I think it comes down to this: women are fixing, mending, repairing, accommodating, approval seeking beings. It's in our nature to fix you a cup of tea, sew a button on your shirt, laugh at your not-so-funny jokes, sleep on the wet spot and do whatever else makes someone else feel good. Why? Because making others feel good makes us feel good. Now, in theory there's nothing wrong with this, however, life seldom falls into nicely wrapped packages of theoretical wonder. And problems arise when women continue to go out of their way for someone who neither appreciates their efforts nor, occasionally, returns the favors. But some women don't give up. We like a challenge as much as the XYs do. And that's what this comes down to...often a woman thinks, 'If I'm not making him happy, it must have something to do with me. I need to try harder or try something else.' Fortunately, as we get older, most of us come to understand that's all BS. Most of us come to the realization that, if he's not happy, that's his problem. And that's when most girls get busy at making themselves happy, which, is the best use of their time anyway.

--Piper