August 9, 2004

Dear Piper,

One of my closest friends is going through a pretty stressful time in his life, and he seems pretty depressed. I've always believed that the best way to feel better is to talk about the things that bother you, but he consistantly avoids the subjects that I know are bothering him. Do you think it's best to let him keep those issues to himself, or should I press the issues and try to get him to tell me what's wrong?

--Confused

Dear Confused,

I think there's a saying that goes something like: A friend in need is a friend indeed. What it means, I think, is when someone is in need of something you have, they'll suddenly be your bestest friend. How does this apply to your situation? Well, I suspect that your friend knows you're concerned about him, and that might be all he needs from you right now. Guys are different, Confused. They don't like to sit on a couch in their underwear with an open container of Ben and Jerry's Chunky Monkey and a big spoon, 3-way calling their closest friends in order to analyze to the minute detail 'what the hell happened' in Situation A to lead to Situation B. They'd rather open a beer, sit on the couch in their underwear, scratch their balls and have a conversation with Tivo about what's on next. This isn't to say they don't get sad, depressed, upset or melancholy. It's just to say they deal with it differently, and differently usually doesn't involve lip-service. So, my advice is to do what you can to let your friend know you're a willing ear when he needs it, and then lay off and take him to a movie.

--Piper