September 22, 2004

Dear Piper,

My ex and I broke up in 2001. I am in a relationship now, but I have been thinking about my ex more and more lately. I have been thinking about contacting her. What should I do?

--Chris

Dear Chris,

Hmmmm. Let me guess, the relationship you're in now has kind of hit a plateau. The 'take me here, take me now' drugs have worn off and now you're left with, well, a real relationship. The day-in, day-out kind. The finish each other's sentences kind. The 'sometimes I want you around, sometimes I don't want you around' kind. This can be both comforting and, let's be honest, boring. And when we're bored, sometimes our minds wander...to lovers of the past and to possible lovers of the future. This can happen even if we're really happy with our current beau in our current blissfully boring bind. There's nothing wrong with a wandering mind...until the fingers follow suit. The minute you dial your ex's number or type out her email address you're putting your current relationship in a precarious position. I only say that because, for you, there seems to be a connection between your being in a relationship now and your wanting to contact your ex--you mention both in your question in succession. What are you hoping to gain from a chat with your ex? Do you want to flirt? Do you want to know if she's involved with someone else? Do you want to know if she misses you? Do you want to lay the foundation for a rendezvous in the future? I'm thinking you either don't know what you want or don't want to admit it because you didn't mention it in your note. Until you know what you really want, and until you know how that affects your current relationship, I would hold off on that trip down memory lane with your ex.

--Piper